


What to do when you're dead

by DarkPirateLightSwan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9608978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPirateLightSwan/pseuds/DarkPirateLightSwan
Summary: What if instead of Killian sacrificing himself to take away the darkness, Emma did? This is the story of how the savior dies, caught between the light and the dark.  Will she move on? How will Killian cope?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story kinda came to me after watching Season 5 and I couldn't quite get it out of my head. Inspired by Armor For Sleep's album What to do when you are dead. Comments and Kudos are always welcome!

I'm going to die tonight, the thought ran through Emma's head twice before it sunk in. 

She couldn't let Killian make this sacrifice, after all this was her fault.  She had been selfish.  She had been unable to let him go.  She had made him the one thing he hated above all else. She hadn't been quick enough, smart enough, fast enough to save him before he had been cut by the cursed sword she now held in her hands.  This was on her. She had to make this right. Once she accept this, her plan came together quickly in her head. Clarity broke through the noise and the darkness swirling through her mind. 

Suddenly, the presence of her family behind her was like someone had stuck her with a hot poker at the base of her spine.  Emma turned her head to look at them from the corner of her eye.  Her mother, father, son, even Regina wore identical expressions of fear. It was almost enough to make her want to stop her plan.  

No, she scolded herself, turning her head to look at Killian now.  I have to do this to save them.  I have to do this to save him.  So, focusing her magic, she froze her family in place.  She would not be stopped. 

Just as she set her mind to her plan, darkness began to seep into her vision again, as if it was trying to stop her ideas, to force her hand to drop the blade. Looking up, she locked eyes with Killian who was bracing himself for the blade.

But she held firmly onto Excalibur, staring down at his name etched on the steel, before looking him in the eye again, trying to decide quickly how to do this without him stopping her. As their eyes met, Killian seemed to read her plan and his features changed to terror. An open book, he once told her and she almost laughed at the memory.

"Swan, don't do it…" Hook warned, but tears formed in his eyes.  Emma blink at him trying to clear the darkness away. Hook made to step toward her, to stop her from the plan that he could see rapidly forming in her head.  Emma held Excalibur firmly, stopping him in his tracks with a silent command.  Tears were streaming down his face freely now as he whispered, "Emma, please... please don't."

Emma shook her head, but otherwise didn't reply, afraid her voice would betray her.  Her whole body was shaking now, whether it was from the darkness that was trying desperately to escape back out of the sword in her grasp or from deep within her own body because her heart knew what needed to be done and fear was coursing through her veins.  

"Emma look at me." She hadn't realized she'd been staring down the sword again, at their names together. A fool would have thought it was terribly romantic, Emma Swan and Killian Jones scrawled across the silver blade as if it was carved into a tree with a heart around it by two lovers. But to her it was a reminder that they would never have a future, they would never have a happily ever after.

"I am so sorry." Her voice cracked. "I love you, more than you'll ever know, Killian Jones. And I am so sorry to drag you down into this.  For that, I will trade my life for yours because I can't lose you.”

"I can't lose you either." He choked out, trying to get his body to move to get to her.

"I will always be with you." Emma all but whispered the words.

And then it happened in a flash.  Emma turned Excalibur, gripping the sword by the blade and pointing it at her middle while Killian shrieked 'NO".  Ignoring the blood running from her palms as the blade cut into her hands, she rammed the blade down into her own stomach. Pain unlike anything she had ever experienced blossomed and radiated throughout her body.  She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw up, she wanted to pull the blade from her middle, but she body was beginning to betray her.  She could feel as the life drained away from her, her magic gone, Killian and her family unfrozen. 

Killian rushed forward to catch Emma as her knees buckled and she fell toward the ground.  He brought her gently to lay down across his lap as he sunk to his knees.  Before they hit the ground, both Killian and Emma returned to their normal looks, Killian's hair swept back, Emma's now golden blonde and free flowing. 

"Emma, no no no." He was openly sobbing now as he held her.  He could feel her blood soaking his shirt and pants, warm and sticky.  "Please, please don't leave me." He looked around desperate for something, anything to stop her bleeding, but knowing there was nothing to be done.  Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registered the rest of her family.  Snow was collapsing, her hand over her mouth, completely falling apart as she watched her daughter dying in his arms.  David was doing his best to hold his wife up, but looked shell shocked as he watched the scene play out.  But Henry, Henry would be the one that broke his heart further- if it was possible.  Henry was being held back by Regina, who was wearing an expression similar to David's, as he clawed and kicked, screaming for his mother, not being able to do anything to save her.

"Tell them... tell them I love them all so much and they have given me the thing I wanted most in my life, to be loved and to have been a part of a family." Blood was beginning to seep out of the corner of her mouth, but Killian shook his head.

"You're going to be fine, we just need some magic.  You'll be ok."

"Killian, you know that isn't how this works." She smiled at him, raising her hand to his cheek.  "You are a good man, Killian Jones.  You've always put me first, even when I didn't deserve it.  Thank you. And don't spend 300 years trying to avenge me." She laughed meekly, Killian ignored her joke and kissed her palm. "I have loved you more than I ever thought possible.”

"I love you, Emma" He bent to kiss her forehead, as Emma closed her eyes and smiled at the feeling of his lips pressed against her head.  When he sat back up, her face remained unchanged, but her hand fell limply onto her stomach, covering her wound.

And just like that, she was gone.  Killian clutching her limp body to his chest, sobs wracking through him. And then before he had a chance to truly process, her body began to shatter, just as the sword had, into diamond like pieces before blowing away in the wind. Killian began to breath heavily, his face screwed up in panic. 

“No, no no, Emma! No!” 

Killian spent some time on the ground, his arms open as if her body still laid with his embrace. The tears were gone now, he was numb.  He was unsure how long it was until her family fell all around him.  It could have been seconds or hours really.  He didn't know or care.  The only thing he knew was he would never hear Emma's voice again. 

Eventually an ambulance came, who called them he didn't know.  Snow had to be sedated at some point as she was a wreck.  It took 2 EMTs and Robin Hood to pull Killian off the ground.  He wasn't ready. Getting up, taking even a step away meant he had to begin taking steps toward letting her go. He couldn’t do that. He would never hold her in his arms again, didn't they understand that?


	2. Chapter 2

Emma wasn't sure exactly when she came back to consciousness.  She blinked a few times but everything seemed hazy and out of focus, but bright, as if a flood light was being pointed at her. 

Where am I? She thought, turning slowly to see if she could get her bearings. 

"You're in limbo, Emma," Emma spun toward the voice. Had it come from her left side or right? Had it spoken in her head?

"Who's there?" She called out, or did she just say it in her head?  Her state of consciousness was playing tricks on her.

Then without warning, her vision became blindingly sharp and in focus. Emma was standing in the living room of her house.  When had she gotten here?  She tried to remember the last time she had been home, when was that? In fact, she couldn't remember much about the most recent events, her mind was fuzzy and oddly dark. 

"It's ok, things will be a bit hazy for a while," A female voice spoke from behind her.  Emma turned to see a beautiful woman dressed in a red gown with silver trim, her dark hair up in intricate curls and braids, a tiara perched on her head.  She smiled at Emma, her eyes a familiar green color, crinkled warmly. 

"Who are you?"

"I am you're guardian angel, dear. I also happen to be your grandmother, Ava." The woman explained, stepping forward to rest her hand on Emma's upper arm. Emma searched the woman's face.  Her features did look familiar, what did her mother look like again?

"As I said, your memories will be a bit fuzzy for a while. You'll remember what she looked like soon."

Wait did she just read my mind? Emma thought. Ava smiled at her knowingly.

"You're my grandmother? How are you... where am I?"  Emma asked skeptically.

"You're in limbo, dear.  You had quite the brutal death, caught between goodness and darkness, I'm not surprised you ended up here.  That's why I came down, to explain things.”

....

Emma was six months pregnant… and four and a half months into her eleven-month prison sentence. Her days consisted of avoiding any and all contact with the other inmates, who were more than happy to ignore the very pregnant and very irritable girl. And she mainly achieved this solitude by retreating to the small prison library whenever she had the opportunity.   
On this particular day, Emma found herself perusing the shelves, her fingers grazing over the worn and dusty jackets of the mostly unread books when she came across the spine of a brown leathered book with gold trim. Emma’s fingers faulted on the old book and without thinking, pulled it from its place on the shelf.

“Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. One of my favorites.” A voice said behind her. Emma startled and turned to the person behind her.

“Uh, yea,” She answered, unsure of where this woman came from. She had never seen anyone working here and this woman, whose hair and makeup were perfectly in place and wore expensive looking clothes, was obviously not an inmate. 

“Do you agree?” The woman asked, her voice oddly calming.

“Um, I guess. I mean I know the story, but it’s not like I had someone reading me fairytales as a kid.” Emma answered, trying to brush the woman off. She turned to replace the book, but the woman stepped forward taking the book from her gently.

“It seems to me that maybe you can change that for your little someone.” She smiled down at Emma’s round belly. 

“Oh, I’m not… I can’t keep…” Emma stammered. 

“Well, you’d be surprised what kind of influence you could have on your child even before they are born. I’m sure you are making the right choice for your child, but in the meantime, it couldn’t hurt to start off his or her life with a little hope, could it?”

The woman gave Emma a warm smile and held out the book to her once more. Emma eyed her, but took the book from her. Looking down at the cover, Emma traced the gold lettering with her fingers before placing a hand to her swollen belly.

“I guess, it just seems silly to …” She trailed off, looking up she saw the woman was gone. 

“Huh,” Emma said to herself before sighing and rubbing her belly once more. “I guess it couldn’t hurt. What do you say, kid, wanna hear a story?” She questioned her belly. A small kick surprised her and she let out a quiet chuckle and opened the book. “I guess I’ll take that as a yes? Once upon a time…”


	3. Chapter 3

Three days. It had been three days since Killian had watched Emma sacrifice her life for his selfish and stupid mistakes.  It felt like a hundred years since he had last held her or seen her green eyes or heard her voice.  He hadn't cried since that brutal moment. The one that played over and over in his head; her plunging that sword into her belly, her body crumbling into crystal ash.  Snow and David had stayed with him that night, he remembered they had been in their loft all together but silent, but how they had gotten there he couldn't recall. 

That kept happening to him.  He'd end up places, like the loft or the lake or the docks without realizing how he had gotten there.  He'd just suddenly come out of his thoughts and be in a new place, no knowing exactly how much time had passed.  Today he found himself on the Jolly Roger, the mid-morning sun teasing as its rays did nothing to warm the cold air.  Killian stood at the bow of his ship, staring off into the horizon, trying to remember the last time he'd been on the ship with her. 

Oh, that's right, he recalled, I had told her I didn't love her anymore. 

His chest clenched at the memory. How could he ever, ever say those words to her.  He knew they had been a lie, but at the time he needed to see her reaction, to see if she even cared.  Now, he'd give anything to take that back.  He cursed himself for not telling her every moment they were together how much he loved her. Dark One or not.

As Killian tried desperately to push away the painful memories he kept conjuring up, a soft noise pulled him out of his own head.  A honking, like a bird's call, could be heard just above the creaking of the ship as it slowly rocked back and forth.  Killian leaned over the rail a bit to look down at the water and almost gasp at what he saw. 

A lone white swan was paddling alongside the ship.  She gracefully glided along the calm waters, softly honking every now and then.  Killian watched the bird for a while, waiting to see where she was going, but the bird seemed content to sit in the water next to the ship. He watched her most of the day, the swan never traveling far from the boat until finally she grew tired and tucked head into her wing to sleep, bumping into the side of the boat almost as if she was anchoring herself to stay there. 

Killian didn't realize he had smiled until his face fell back into its somber expression.

…

Five days had gone by and Killian had a new routine.  He spent most of his day on the dock, sometimes sitting on the Jolly, sometimes on the pier- legs hanging over the side, but always his new friend drifting not far.  He had taken to bringing greens or grain or once in a while pieces of raw fish to feed his feathered friend.  And today, today he had taken to talking to her.

"Why are you all alone, beautiful?" He asked her as she nibbled on the greens he had shredded and thrown into the water below his feet.  She seemed unafraid of him, coming up rather close, especially to graze on the food he brought her.

She didn't acknowledge his question, continuing to dabble the water to get every bit of food.

"Swans usually mate for life, yeah? Where is your mate, lovely? Surely, a pretty bird such as yourself has someone?" The swan raised her head and watched him, but otherwise did not reply. What did he expect from a bird?

"Maybe you lost your mate then. I know the feeling.  I... I lost my love, too."   
   
Killian and the swan sat in silence for a while, she occasionally fluffing her feathers and preened, he occasionally taking a swig of rum.  That night, for the first time in almost a week Killian fell into a deep and heavy sleep.

…

Ten days after Emma's death, Henry came to see him.  Killian hadn't been avoiding everyone per say.  He just didn't have the strength to be there for anyone else, and he knew they were hurting just as he was.  He couldn't be anyone's comfort, and to see the pain he was experiencing mirrored in David's or Henry's eyes, he might have shattered into a million pieces. 

But today, Henry found him. And Killian knew why.  Today had been Emma's funeral and Killian couldn't bring himself to go. 

He found Killian at the end of the pier, watching the water.  At first he just sat down next to him without a greeting.  Killian's ever so slight turn of his head was the only acknowledgment he gave the young boy.  After what felt like hours, but was more like ten minutes, Killian wordlessly offered his flask to Henry.  Henry took a swig and immediately choked and sputtered at the taste. 

"You'll get use to it."

Silence. They sat for a while longer staring down at the water before ripples started to obscure their reflection.  Both looked up to see Killian's swan gliding toward them, her neck curved gracefully but her eyes on her new friend.  She honked at Killian once she was close enough, and he reached in his pocket to toss her some grains, which she readily dabbled off the surface of the water.

"A swan? Where did she come from?" Henry asked amazed.

"She showed up 'bout a week ago. Stays close to the Jolly, I feed her on occasion."

Henry turned to Killian, a small smile on his face. 

"It's a sign, from Mom.  She doesn't want you to feel alone."

"A sign?  How do you figure?" Henry rolled his eyes in a way that made Killian's stomach drop.  He looked just like Emma when he did that.

"Come on Killian.  A lone swan suddenly befriends you right after..." Henry trailed off unable to say the words. Henry choked back a sob, and Killian did something he had never done before.  He clasped Henry on the shoulder, rocking him once, twice, before pulled him into his side throwing his arm around the lad and hugging him tightly.  Henry didn't fight the hug but instead let Killian pull him in and after a moment threw an arm around his middle to hug him back.  Killian hadn't realized how much need this, to be hugged back by someone who was hurting just as much as he was.

"I miss her, so much." Henry mumbled, his head tucked into Killian's chest.

"I do too lad, I do too."


	4. Chapter 4

Emma stood and watched her funeral.  It was almost laughable really. She spent almost her entire life alone, knowing that if she had died no one would know or miss her.  But here was her funeral and literally the entire town had shown up to pay their respects and say their goodbyes.  Everyone except her pirate.  She had figured he wouldn't come, not one for sharing feelings with strangers, he preferred to grieve alone. She also knew that he blamed himself for her death, even if it had been her choice.

She would find him at the docks later with the swan she had sent to comfort him. 

Emma watched as roses were laid on her casket one by one until the entire thing was piled high with flowers.  It was ridiculous to see the mountain of roses, but she knew it was important for all these people to feel like they were doing something to say goodbye to her.  She watched as her father helped her mother up out of her chair, she had never seen David look so sad, his eyes downcast and his movements stiff.  Her mother sobbing into a handkerchief, barely able to stand as she clutched David's arm for support.  They laid their roses down on the casket and pulled themselves away, her mother crying even harder and her father starting to weep as well.  As they walked down the aisle, the townspeople dropped their gaze in an effort to give the grieving family some privacy.

Regina, Henry, and Robin were next.  Emma was surprised to see tears in Regina's eyes as she approached the coffin to drop her flower.  Henry was lucky to have her as a mother, she thought. And now a father as well, she added as she watched Robin lay a hand on Henry's shoulder in support.  Emma smiled to herself.  Henry would be alright without her, he had lots of people who loved him and would do anything for him, and she was happy in knowing that fact. 

As she turned to leave, not knowing she would be able to bare watching her own coffin be lowered into the ground, her mind went to Killian again.  He had no one now that she was gone. 

...

This was a bad idea, Killian scowled himself as he stood in the entry way of Emma’s house. This was suppose to be our house, he reminded himself. But it didn’t feel like their house… it didn’t even feel much like Emma’s house. It was cold and had an empty feel to it. It reminded him very much of how he had felt as the Dark One. And then a sad though crossed his mind. That was how Emma must have felt too. 

From the entry way, he scanned the main floor of the house, picturing the few scenes he had had with Emma in this house. Him kissing her, thinking it would break the curse of the Dark One, her showing him the listing he had found with Henry, the squid ink. As he completed his circle, he averted his eyes from the doorway to the basement. He couldn’t even look at that door in fear that he would she her standing there- all leather and white hair- with that look on her face. Thinking about that look now, if his heart wasn’t already shattered, well he was sure it would stop all together remembering the anguish and pain in her eyes as he spit those words to her. You’ll always be an orphan. Out of all the horrible and villainous things he had done in his long life, that moment was by far the most terrible of them all. 

Swallowing down the bile rising in his throat, he took four long strides into the kitchen and began ripping open cabinets until he came across one filled with bottles. Rum, whiskey, vodka… he didn’t care or notice which he grabbed. He unscrewed it, throwing the cap as hard as he could at the counter and took a long drink. He needed to not feel, he need to drown the ache.

-

Emma leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, watching Killian as he threw open cabinet door after cabinet door, some falling off the hinges, some slamming back into place as he moved on. Once he found what he was looking for, he grabbed a less than half full bottle of whiskey, finishing off the rest of it. Emma thought for a moment that the liquor would help him settle or relaxed slightly, but after a beat Killian turned and threw the empty bottle at the wall near where she stood invisible to him. The glass exploded, shards scattering the floor. The action triggered something in Killian as he began ripping through the cabinet, hurling glasses, plates, bowls, whatever he could find. When he couldn’t find any more dishes, he turned and punched through the glass of the window above the sink. Blood poured from his hand, pieces of glass in the cuts, but he paid it no mind and instead turned to survey his work. Sharp shards of glass and ceramic covering the counters and floor. Breathing hard, he snatched a full bottle of rum this time and strode over the couch, dropping unceremoniously onto the cushions and started on the bottle. 

After some time, the bottle sat on its side on the floor, empty of its contents. Killian laid slumped half over on the couch, unable to lift his head.

“How could you do this to me, Swan?” He slurred. Emma walked around the couch to kneel in front of him and brush the hair out of his face.

“Do what?” She asked.

“Leave me like you did. How could you, don’t you know I need you?” Emma blinked at him, could he see her? Hear her? Was he having a drunk hallucination, could she communicate with him like this?

“I know, but I couldn’t let you pay for my mistakes.”

He didn’t answer, his head lolling to the side effectively passing out. Emma brushed his hair back once more, noting the fact that she could no longer feel the silkiness of his hair or the warmth of his skin.

\----

 

Killian groaned.  His head felt like it was in a vice and something very bright was shining into his eyes making it difficult to fall back into the heavy slumber he was slipping out of but desperately trying to hold on.  He cracked an eye open realizing the light was the sun shining through the window across the room.  He groaned again, it must be midday. He has always, always woken with the dawn. 

Killian sat up and immediately regretted it as the room spun and his stomach lurched. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he rested his elbows on his knees and scrubbed at his face with his hands.  Cloth contacted his skin and he hissed as his knuckles stung when the material dragged over them.  Blinking down at his hand, he saw it was wrapped in an old scarf. 

"What the..." He stared at the material confused. Last night started to trickle back into his head.  He had destroyed the kitchen, smashing his fist through the window.  Well, that explains the pain, he though, but this scarf where did it come from?

This scarf... it had been his scarf, a hundred years ago.  He hadn't seen it in a few years, but hadn't thought about that until just now. Suddenly it hit him.  This scarf…. he had wrapped Emma's hand with this scarf when they climbed the beanstalk (which seemed like a thousand years ago).  He could see the stain of her blood on the side of it, where it was wrapped along his palm.  His stomach lurched again, but this time for a different reason. Where had it come from? How, in his drunken stupor, did he find it?  

Glancing around the room, which was perfectly in order, another thought hit him.  How had he gotten into the bedroom? He remembered being on the couch last. In fact, he had never even been upstairs or in any of the bedrooms.  He surveyed the room for a moment.  Two dark wooden dressers and a rocking chair in the corner were the only pieces of furniture other than the bed and two night tables that flanked it.  The walls were bare and stark white, but when Killian turned his head, his breath caught.  Above the headboard was a large canvas depicting the Jolly Roger fighting her way through a storm.  Her sails billowed in the wind, waves crashing against her sides, and if Killian squinted he could just make out what look like her Captain standing at the helm a silver hook for a hand.

Tears immediately threatened to form, but he choked them down.  There wasn't much in Emma Swan's house as far as pictures or mementos, but what small amount of decoration there was all meant something. The photo of the birch woods that hung in the sitting room, the one that hid the squid ink, reminded him so much of Regina's office. On the wall of the stairwell leading upstairs a silhouette picture of a boy reading a book in front a window where snow fell outside.  Chains and shackles hung decoratively on the wall in the living room, the same ones from her New York apartment, that bared a striking resemblance to the ones she had used on him on their very first adventure together.

No, he couldn’t deal with this surge of emotion right now. He couldn’t deal with the fact that when she had been the Dark One, the real Dark One- consumed by the darkness, he had pushed her away. He had let her take the fall, take her life, because he had been angry with her. 

His heart was aching again, or at least the hole in his chest was as he was pretty sure he no longer had a heart. He pushed down the feelings and went downstairs in order to clean his mess from the night before, but was surprised to find the kitchen spotless and in order, other than the broken window. A pot of coffee had been brewed, recently, and his flask was set out on the counter. 

A little hair of the dog.

Killian shrugged it off, assuming Snow White had been by to check on him, and went about pouring himself some coffee with a splash of rum. 

He hadn’t noticed, as he had left the bedroom, the indent on the bed next to wear he had slept… as if someone had been sharing the bed with him.


	5. Chapter 5

Emma stood, leaning against the doorway watching Killian as he moved about the kitchen. She sighed and reached out to brush her fingers along his shoulder line when he pasted particularly closely, but her fingers passed through him and all he did was shiver slightly but otherwise did not acknowledge her.

“You need to decide, Emma.” A familiar voice spoke from behind her. Emma turned to face her grandmother, ever beautiful, persevered in her late twenties for all of eternity.

“Decide what?” Emma asked, although she knew the answer.

“Will you stay, live a long life and have a future with this man, or will you move on?”

Emma chewed on her lower lip. She loved Killian with all her heart, but a future was something she was still scared of. What if things changed, what if they began their life together and he fell out of love with her, or decided he missed the sea too much? What if he hated being tied down on land with her…. Or their family? What if she had children with him and he left them? 

“Emma, my sweet girl, you don’t want to stay in limbo forever. It is a fate worse than death itself. Do not dwell on the living without being one of them. They will grow old and pass on and you will be left, alone and unable to move on.”

“I can really go back? Just like that, no price to pay?” Ava nodded and gave her a genuine smile. “Ok, I want to go back. I want to be with the loves I love again. How…how do I do it?”

“True love is a powerful thing.” Emma turned to watch Killian move about the kitchen again. “If you, in your heart, wish to remain here, true love will find a way.”

“What does that mean…” Emma turned back to find Ava gone from behind her. “Grandmother?” She called, but the space behind her was empty. Sighing, she shifted again to lean back against the door frame to wonder how she was going to get back to her family. 

 

..

Killian took a deep breath. It had been exactly one month since Emma had been gone and the pain hadn’t lessened. It seemed more and more intense with every breath that he took, every moment he was without her warmth, her laugh, her touch. And just when the pain was so intense that he felt like his body would shatter from the sheer weight of it all, he’d take another breath and it would get ever so slightly worse. When would it end? He could barely get himself to move, but he had forced himself here, although he couldn’t remember why.

He stood facing her grave stone. The gray slab that read:  
Emma Swan  
Loving Mother, Daughter, Friend  
Truly loved, forever missed

Somewhere in his mind, he felt a twinge of anger that he hadn’t been represented on her gravestone, but remember Snow had left him a note asking for his input on Emma’s gravestone. A note he had never responded to. 

He stood for several minutes simply letting the realization that he was staring at her grave sink in. Rain began to drizzle, but he paid it no mind. After what felt like an eternity, he sunk down to his knees to run his fingers through the grooves of her name. 

“I didn’t know if I should bring flowers or not… I know you were never one to be wooed by such a gestor.” He said to the stone. “I guess I could have brought a grilled cheese and onion rings… that was always something you readily accepted.” His joke fell flat as the stone sat silent and for a few moments so did the pirate. His hair, long and unkempt, was drenched and clinging to his forehead. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited… I just… I’ve been…. I miss you more then you know, Swan.” As he said the words out loud, the emotions overcame him. He wanted to scream and cry to the heavens, cursing them at how unfair this was. He should had been the one to sacrifice himself. He should have been the one dead in the ground, not his beautiful Swan. After all, he was the weak one, he let the darkness consume him. He stayed there for a while, jaw clenched and fighting down the sobs that threatened to spill out of him- all the words he wanted to say stuck in his throat and he wished he could choke to death on them.  
Sometime later he found himself walking along beach as the rain continue a heavy and steady down pour. As he made his way back to his ship with every intention of drowning himself in a bottle of rum, he heard a familiar honking. Without stopping his slow but steady pace back to the Jolly Roger, he turned his head to see his swan paddling toward him in the shallows. 

“I’m in no mood today, sweetheart.” He muttered, knowing she could no more hear him then understand him. She honked louder at him when she saw he wasn’t stopping. 

“I said, leave me alone you bloody bird!” He yelled at her, turning sharply on his heel as it dug into the sand. But the swan, infuriatingly enough, just sat there in the water, even daring to come slightly closer until she could no longer float but had to stand in the shallows. “Away with you bird! Leave me be! Can’t you see, I’m not your mate! I… I….” Tears were suddenly flowing from his eyes, surprising himself. Killian clenched his fist, wanting to throw something at the bird, anything to get her to leave him alone to wallow in his grief. He stormed toward her, hoping the frighten the bird away. He didn’t want or need this reminder of his love anymore. Slipping slightly in the wet sand, he made his way into the shallow water, kicking up and splashing the water as he got closer to the bird, who just stood there looking at him with her head cocked back and to the side. 

“It feels like I’m being ripped apart!” He screamed at the large white bird over the sound of the raining pouring down on them. “I can’t have this constant reminder of you, Emma! I can’t look at this bird and feel comforted anymore. It feels like I can’t breathe, I’m drowning, and I just…I just.” He was sobbing now, harder then he could ever remember. His knees felt weak and he dropped down to them, sitting back on his heels in the water and feeling like he truly could give up living here and now.  
“You are truly the greatest love of my life. I hope you know that, my darling. I’m lost without you. Please, Emma, please know that.” 

He dropped his head, tears falling freely, mixing with the rain and salt water. Just as he was debating on whether he should lie down now and let the tide drown him, or go back to the ship and let the alcohol do him in, he felt it. A warmth pulsed through him, chasing out the chill in his body from the cold rain soaking him. Opening his eye he saw it, the shimmer of magic rippling the water he was kneeling in, knocking him a bit of balance for a moment. 

“Killian?” He must be hallucinating her voice, that usually only came when he was absolutely dirty drunk. 

He looked up slowly, as if he was afraid that he’d break the dream he was surely in. But there stood Emma, blonde hair loose and wet, dressed in a white dress that clung to her shape both from the water she stood in and the heavy rain.

“Swan?” He took a step forward as her face broke into a smile. He rose shakily to his feet, his entire body trembling. 

“Emma? Is it really you love?” He asked disbelievingly, but stepped forward regardless sweeping her into his arms. He felt her sob, and nod her head as he buried his face into her neck, breathing her in. He could feel the warmth of her lips as she kissed his temple, her hands running through his hair. 

“It’s me, Killian. It’s really me.”

“I don’t understand,” He managed to choke out after a few minutes holding her. “How are you here?”

Emma pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. “True love… our true love brought me back.”

“What?” He asked incredulously. “We’re true love?” Emma’s answer was to bit her bottom lip, smile and nod. 

“Bloody hell.” He breathed before kissing her, long and hard. Emma kissed him back with just as much fever. When they broke apart for air, Emma laid her forehead against his.

“I love you, Emma Swan.”

“I know,” she grinned back. “And I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was easier to write than I thought it would be. I wasn't planning on adding any more to this story, but I was convinced (it didn't take much), and I had a few hours to kill while on a red-eye from California to New York. I hope you all enjoy this nice little wrap up. Thank you so much for reading!

…  
The door creaked as it opened but Emma and Killian lingered on the door step, both hesitating to cross the threshold. This house was meant to be a promise for the future, but neither of them had made any good memories in it. After a beat, they caught each other’s eye and laughed slightly before Killian bowed, sweeping his arm out in front of him. “After you, M’lady.”

Emma ducked her head and smiled, taking a step forward into the foyer. Killian followed her in, closing the door behind him. Awkwardly, they stood there before Killian broke the silence once more. “I bet you’re happy to be back in your house.” He scratched behind his ear, throwing a glance at the broken window in the kitchen. 

Emma raised her eyebrow at him, before shaking her head, her wet hair clinging to her face a neck.

“Our house.” She correctly him, “This is our house… our home.”

Hearing the words ‘our home’, Killian’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Our home,” he repeated stepping into her personal space. “I quite like the sound of that.” Emma smiled wide as well, closing the small space between them and kissed him. As the kiss grew, they lost track of time, ignoring how they dripped on the hard-wood and or how uncomfortable the cold, wet clothes were. Instead the only thing Killian could focus on was how soft Emma’s lips were, how warm and alive she felt in his embrace. Their kiss soon became heated, their lips moving against each other as their tongue began to fight for dominance. When they broke apart for air, Emma’s lips traveled down to Killian’s neck, nipping and sucking at the exposed skin. 

“I lost you… I thought you were lost to me forever, my darling.” He could feel it, the tears stinging his eyes, the sob that threatened to bubble out of him. Emma pulled back to look at him properly, push the wet hair out off his face with a sweep of her finger and holding his face between her hands to make him look at her. 

“Hey now. None of that, Killian. I am here. I am alive. You brought me back.” Her left hand dropped to cover his heart. “Our love brought me back and I don’t plan on leaving you again anytime soon, ok?”

He nodded and covered he hand with his own, leaving it over his heart. One tear broke loose, tracking down his cheek, crossing his scar and landing hot and wet on the back of his hand that covered hers. Wordlessly, she turned her hand to hold his and began to step backwards, tugging on their joined hands in a silent plea to follow. Up the stairs she led him, her bottom of her white dress bunched in her other hand so she could climb the stairs without obstruction. She led him into the large bedroom that Killian recognized as the one he had woken up in the only night he had spent here. She continued into the connecting bathroom, dropping his hand only to turn on the shower. Steam began to fill the room almost instantly as she turned to face him. Together they undressed each other, like they had a hundred time already, peeling the saturated clothing from the other’s body and letting the garments fall into a heap on the tiled floor. When they were finally standing naked in front of each other, Emma helped Killian remove his hook and brace, laying them on the counter before running a hand down his left forearm to hold on to the damaged wrist and guiding him into the shower with her.

Once in the shower, they washed each other simultaneously, one not wanted to take hands off the other. Killian could swear Emma wasn’t just washing away the grim and dirt, but an entire lifetime of sorrow and pain felt like it was being cleansed from his soul. He couldn’t help but to take deep breathes as he washed her hair for her, filling his nose with the sweet aroma of her shampoo, letting the blonde locks twist in his fingers as he massaged her scalp. After they both were sufficiently cleaned, they took another few moments under the warm water to just hold each other, bare skin on bare skin from knee to chest, letting not only the water but each other’s warm embrace chase out the cold from their bones. 

When the shower was off and they both dried off, Killian watched as Emma brushed out her tangled hair, only distracting her once or twice by kissing the curve of her neck down her shoulder. Not long after they found themselves falling into bed, lips locked in a sweet kiss. Unable to still wrap his head around the fact the Emma was alive and in his arms, Killian began to pepper kisses anywhere and everywhere, coaxing some breathy giggles and throaty moans from the woman underneath him. He grinned against her breast when he took a nipple into his mouth, swirling his tongue and earning a tug on his hair from her hands that were twisted in it. 

And when he entered her, pushing into her slowly inch by inch, watching as she threw her head back and moaned. He loved that sound. He loved hearing it when he’s buried deep within her, fucking her roughly and pulling her hair, the way they had done in a dozen times aboard the Jolly Roger. He loved hearing it when his tongue is teasing her clit, bring her to the edge over and over before letting her fall. He loved hearing it as he made love to her, slow and sensually, just as he was now.

Practice had made him an expert on Emma Swan’s body and he knew exactly how Emma liked it and what she needed in order to climax, so as he pulled out he angled his hips before pushing back in, earning a gasp from his beloved. He began to thrust slowly and shallowly, hitting that spot inside of her that made her squirm. It took everything he had in him not to slam into her widely, but he wanted this to last. Emma’s cunt was like heaven and he didn’t want it to end too quickly. But her moans and gasps were driving him mad so he dropped down to lean on his left forearm in order to reach between them with his hand and press his thumb onto her clitoris. The sound she made was positivity sinful as he began to rub it in circles, increasing the rhyme of his hand but continued to slowly move his hips. It didn’t take long before she was clenching around him, calling out his name as her back arched off the bed, her hands grasping at his shoulder blades digging her nails into this skin as he continued to thrust through her climax. 

“That’s it my love, I’ve got you.” He whispered to her as she came back down. He could feel her pulses around him begin to fade as he started to move a bit faster, pushing deeper into her now. Emma curved her hand around his neck, bringing him down to kiss her as his thrust increased in pace still. He could feel her clenching her cunt around him, encouraging him to cum now and he wasn’t far from it. 

“Come on, baby, come for me. Please, Killian, cum for me.” She pleaded, her voice breathy. And that was all it took for him to fall off the edge. He thrusted in deeply as he pulsed into her until he was utterly spent. They stayed like that for some time, looking at each other lovingly while still joined together intimately. 

A few hours later they laid next to each other, reveling in the delicious burn in their limbs and the complete satisfaction in their hearts that only comes from hours of love making. 

“I guess it’s time, huh?”

“Oh, love, I want to, but I may need a stretch and a glass of orange juice before we go again, aye? Give me 10 minutes..” Killian said, moving the blankets off him to get out of bed. Emma laughed, pulling him back down into her arms.

“Hold on there tiger. I meant, we should probably let my family know I’m, you know, not dead…anymore.” She chewed her lip anxiously. 

“We’ll ring them straight away. I’ve been selfishly keeping you to myself, I’m sorry, love. Bad form on my part. Of course, you want to see your parents and your boy.”

“You haven’t been selfish, I wanted this. I wanted it to be just me and you for a while… what?” 

An odd look had come across the pirates face.

“What?” Emma asked again. Killian ducked his head under her suspicious gaze, and scratched behind his ear.

“Well, love, funny you should say that. How would you feel if it was you and I for longer than a little while?”

Sitting up and clutching the sheet to her chest, Emma furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?” Killian didn’t answer but instead quickly pulled on his pants and moved to the bathroom to retrieve something out of his leather jacket that was in the pile of clothes on the floor. Emma threw on a silk robe that was on the chair next to the window and hurried to follow him, but before she made it around the edge of the bed to see where he went, Killian walked back out of the bathroom fiddling with a small black box in his hand. Emma stopped dead in her tracks when she saw it, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. 

“This is not how I planned to do this.” He explained stopping half a foot away from her. “Henry and I were going to cover the deck of the Jolly Roger with lights and candles, you were going to be in a nice dress and I was going to ask your father’s permission but I’ve spent too much time wishing I had just asked you when I had the chance. Now I’ve got a second chance and I cannot live another moment without asking you this.” Sinking down to one knee, he opened the box to show her the diamond ring glittering inside it. “I love you Emma Swan, more than I ever thought my heart could love. I want to show you every day of our long, long future together just how much I love you. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

By the time he finished, tears were streaming down Emma’s face and for a moment she just stared at him, to the point that he felt a twinge of panic creep up his spine. But then her face broke into the brightest smile he had ever seen from her as she slowly nodded her head.

“Yes,” She croaked out between her tears. Killian sprang up, sweeping her into his arms and burying his face in her neck as she repeated, “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” Pulling away from him to look in his eyes she told him, “Yes, I will marry you, Killian Jones.” And then she kissed him hard before they fell into bed once more. 

\--- 

“Killian, you had me worried on the phone. Are you ok? We got here as soon as we could.” David said as he, Snow, Henry, Regina, and Robin filed through the door to the house to stand in the foyer. 

“Ah yea mate. I just have some news and I thought it would be better if you saw for yourself instead of me trying to explain.” He told them. “Love?” He called up the stairs. And for a moment, the group exchanged confused glances with each other as they waited. Her footsteps on the stairs were muffled by the socks she wore, and as she descended the stairs she could hear them gasp before she could see them. 

“Emma?” Snow asked disbelieving her eyes as Emma came to stand next to Killian at the base of the stairs. 

“Yea mom, its me.” 

For the span of one moment, every person in the room was silent and unmoving, but then the room erupted in movement. Henry pushed through his grandparents and other mother to throw himself in his mother’s arms, Snow all but collapsed as she began to sob, David was wide-eyed, tears running down his face, Regina and Robin hugged each other. And then everyone was talking at once as they took turns hugging her, asking a thousand questions as Emma and Killian tried their best to answer them. Henry hung onto her hip, one arm slung around his mother’s waist as Snow kept checking her over to make sure she was ok and David kept leaning over to kiss her temple, cradling the back of her head. 

It took a few hours, the group sitting around the table in the kitchen as Emma told and retold her story, before a strange expression crossed Snow's face and she dove across the table to grab her daughter's left hand. "OH MY... EMMA! What is that?!" She exclaimed with the biggest smile. Emma smiled back slyly as he held out her hand to show them, looking back at her pirate. "Well, Killian and I have something to tell you..."

The next day the town came together in a party so big it spilled out of Granny’s and took over entirety of Main Street, all just to welcome the Savior home. The day after that, Emma and Killian exchanged vows on the deck of the Jolly Roger. Henry stood as Best man for his new step-father and Snow as Matron of Honor for her daughter. There were candles everywhere and David not only gave his permission but officiated the ceremony. Some people may have called the wedding too quick, the engagement too short, but to Emma and Killian it was the most perfect day. Because when you are truly in love with someone and choose to spend the rest of your life with them, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ...and they lived happily ever after. The end.


End file.
